The ONAM Plight!!

It was a cold day! There was a series of alternating drizzles and heavy downpour. The wind displayed the role of a meek breeze but occasionally showed off its mighty power too. Usually, I dont give a rats ass about the weather, but that day was different. I was bothered, especially due to the unpredictability displayed by the wind. I am sure that the question randomly running around in your minds now is "WHY?!! WHY the hell are you bothered about the wind?!! U freaking jackass!!"
Folks!! thats because I was wearing the 'mundu'. Mundu is the traditional dress adorned by the males in the great state of kerala. It is easy to wear but hard to maintain. It is also highly unreliable. How do we wear it? Basically, a person is just rolled onto a mundu just like how a shavarma(Arabic chicken sandwich) is rolled onto a tissue paper. It strikes a remarkable resemblance to the LUNGI. The difference between the 'Mundu' and 'Lungi' is that the 'LUNGI' is much more hideous and also can be purchased in all sorts of repelling shades and disgusting and embarassing colours. The Mundu however, comes only in white and off-white with a golden or black bordering. The mundu is definitely "the lesser of the two evils".
There has been only one other previous occasion when I had worn the mundu and trust me when I say it did not end well! I know you are all so excited to know what happened, but I am sorry, that is definitely never going to come up on my blog!![:P]. I had sworn to never wear the mundu after that disastrous incident. But that day was unusually different, for the first time in my life I had second thoughts to already fixed decisions. It was probably because

1. It was onam!! Everyone was wearing it.

2. The hangover from the party I had on the previous day!!

3. I was having, what my family calls, 'A SIBIL MOMENT' (A brief period of time when your brain stops working and you end up saying or doing something extremely foolish. At this point of time, I would like to thank my cousin sibil, after whom it was named, for introducing me to this term and also for showing me the true nature of that term [:P][:D])

4. Persistence from my friends and fans. Some of them offered to even pay just to see me in a mundu!![:D]
So There I was in my room with a borrowed Mundu trying unsuccessfully to fit the damn thing on. That is when my dear friend Gopalan came to my aid. He helped me adorn the mundu and also gave me some confidence(although it did not last very long). I also learned a few things that a person has to remember while wearing the mundu. Some of them are as follows:

1. Reinforcements are good. Wear a belt around the mundu if you doubt your mundu wearing skills.

2. Always have a backup plan in-case of a wardrobe malfunction which is 90% probable. Boxers, shorts or atleast an Underwear should be worn at all times with the mundu.(branded preferably unless you want to tell the world that you buy your underwears from roadside vendors at the friday whole sale market when they have a 50% discount offer on their items)

3. If you are an amateur in this field, Never try stunts or styles in public even if you are a crazy fan of mohanlal.

4. Always keep your legs close to each other. Stretches, jogging, running, longjump are all stupid things to do when you are wearing the mundu.

5. Never ever get "turned on" while wearing the mundu!! you dont want your bottom to look like a circus tent!! Do you?!!

6. While climbing stairs, make sure you lift the mundu to an appropriate level. Too little or no lift would end up with you stamping it and stripping yourself in the continuing steps to follow. I dont have to explain what happens if you lift your mundu too much. Do I?!

Initially, I found myself at the peak of insecurity. I could hardly talk as I was extremely worried. Half the time I was making sure my mundu stayed down, making me look like Marilyn Monroe in that famous picture of hers. Besides, the cold ventilation from below had also frozen my legs, thereby it would be really appropriate if I used the phrase "MY KNEES CLASHED AGAINST EACH OTHER!!" But after a while everything became normal. I forgot I was in a level four emergency and to my Surprise, I had lots of fun. The day went really great.
However, I dont plan on wearing a mundu ever again, simply because it enforces a lot of constraints and puts unnecessary pressure on you. Why look like a clown in something that you are not comfortable in?? so I definitely wont be doing it again.
unless, of-course I have yet another 'SIBIL MOMENT!!' [;)]