The Journey!! Part 1:From Calicut to Cochin

Well, Folks, I am in Kuwait right now! The place I consider my home. As many of you know, I was born and bought up in Kuwait. It has been over an year since I had last been here. I would have been here earlier had it not been for the freaking major project evaluation. Certain things have changed over here leaving me in utter despair, but again there are certain things that are still intact giving me a ray of hope or rather a sigh of relief.

Well, My journey from Calicut was indeed a tale. I boarded a KSRTC bus from Calicut to Ernakulam( from where I was supposed to take the flight). Things went pretty well from Calicut to thrissur where I was all alone on a 3 seater bench!! I was literally sleeping on the seat. But to my horror, Two hefty fat gentlemen got in at Thrissur. For our convenience, lets call them Billy and Bob. As I saw them approach towards my seat, I knew I had to make a choice of the seats before they did!! I opted for the window seat in case things got a little sweaty. As I proceeded to make my thought into action, to my horror I found myself already at the window seat quicker than I actually anticipated. Besides this I also felt my right leg being crushed against the frame of the bus before it became numb after which I did not feel it at all. I really wanted to give both Billy and Bob the address of the nearest gym with a special note which said that I have nothing against obese people but again I did not want them to use me as a punching bag for the rest of the journey.

Striking a conversation in the bus is perhaps the most suffocating thing to do. I have been in all sorts of situations. Some of them are listed below:

1. A Tamilian dude who talked to me in tamil for 3 hours. I didnt understand a word he said. I even tried telling him that I didnt know tamil, but clearly HE REFUSED TO BELIEVE ME!!

2. An Astrologer- He read my palm and told me that I was a lazy person with a lot of luck. I told him to tell me something I dont know. I mean most guys in their early twenties are lazy. You dont need my palm to predict that.

3. An old man who served as an officer in some wildlife sanctuary. He told me stories of Balu, Mowgli, Bageetha and some other animals and birds right from the year he joined. I believe it was 1975 or somthing. I WASNT EVEN BORN THEN!!

Most of the times, I dont start a conversation. I use my north Indian complexion and the bits and pieces of Hindi I know to avoid them. But in case I get caught in one, then I try yawning and looking elsewhere to avoid continuing the conversation. Bob was sitting right beside me. He was a fat man in his mid-thirties, medium complexion, thick moustache and HE SMELLED LIKE SOCKS!! I could not turn to his side leaving me with a stiff neck for the next two days. When I thought things couldnt get any worse, there again MURPHY's LAW was proved again. Half way through the journey, I felt this sudden jolt of pressure on my left shoulder. Alas, Bob fell asleep and his head had unknowingly landed on my shoulders. It was so annoying and at the same time embarrassing too. I tried pushing him over to billy's shoulder but obviously his head weighed more than double my whole body weight. The only way, I got him to swing was by moving front and back. After he hit his head twice, he swung over to billy's shoulders and remained there for the rest of the journey. They really looked perfect for each other in that frame.

I reached kaloor at around 8.30 that night, took the last bus to my house at 9.10pm. Things went pretty smooth there other than the part where I fell on a completely drunk stranger as the bus moved.( I was carrying 3 bags and the driver was driving as if there was no tomorrow). He asked me at which position I played for the kerala soccer team but I guess that's his way of saying "NICE LEGS".

Anyways, I was so glad to finally reach home after that tedious travel. Unfortunately, My joy didnt last long. WHAT HAPPENED??! Find out in "The Journey part 2". Coming soon only on http://unique-not-wierd.blogspot.com/

The ONAM Plight!!

It was a cold day! There was a series of alternating drizzles and heavy downpour. The wind displayed the role of a meek breeze but occasionally showed off its mighty power too. Usually, I dont give a rats ass about the weather, but that day was different. I was bothered, especially due to the unpredictability displayed by the wind. I am sure that the question randomly running around in your minds now is "WHY?!! WHY the hell are you bothered about the wind?!! U freaking jackass!!"
Folks!! thats because I was wearing the 'mundu'. Mundu is the traditional dress adorned by the males in the great state of kerala. It is easy to wear but hard to maintain. It is also highly unreliable. How do we wear it? Basically, a person is just rolled onto a mundu just like how a shavarma(Arabic chicken sandwich) is rolled onto a tissue paper. It strikes a remarkable resemblance to the LUNGI. The difference between the 'Mundu' and 'Lungi' is that the 'LUNGI' is much more hideous and also can be purchased in all sorts of repelling shades and disgusting and embarassing colours. The Mundu however, comes only in white and off-white with a golden or black bordering. The mundu is definitely "the lesser of the two evils".
There has been only one other previous occasion when I had worn the mundu and trust me when I say it did not end well! I know you are all so excited to know what happened, but I am sorry, that is definitely never going to come up on my blog!![:P]. I had sworn to never wear the mundu after that disastrous incident. But that day was unusually different, for the first time in my life I had second thoughts to already fixed decisions. It was probably because

1. It was onam!! Everyone was wearing it.

2. The hangover from the party I had on the previous day!!

3. I was having, what my family calls, 'A SIBIL MOMENT' (A brief period of time when your brain stops working and you end up saying or doing something extremely foolish. At this point of time, I would like to thank my cousin sibil, after whom it was named, for introducing me to this term and also for showing me the true nature of that term [:P][:D])

4. Persistence from my friends and fans. Some of them offered to even pay just to see me in a mundu!![:D]
So There I was in my room with a borrowed Mundu trying unsuccessfully to fit the damn thing on. That is when my dear friend Gopalan came to my aid. He helped me adorn the mundu and also gave me some confidence(although it did not last very long). I also learned a few things that a person has to remember while wearing the mundu. Some of them are as follows:

1. Reinforcements are good. Wear a belt around the mundu if you doubt your mundu wearing skills.

2. Always have a backup plan in-case of a wardrobe malfunction which is 90% probable. Boxers, shorts or atleast an Underwear should be worn at all times with the mundu.(branded preferably unless you want to tell the world that you buy your underwears from roadside vendors at the friday whole sale market when they have a 50% discount offer on their items)

3. If you are an amateur in this field, Never try stunts or styles in public even if you are a crazy fan of mohanlal.

4. Always keep your legs close to each other. Stretches, jogging, running, longjump are all stupid things to do when you are wearing the mundu.

5. Never ever get "turned on" while wearing the mundu!! you dont want your bottom to look like a circus tent!! Do you?!!

6. While climbing stairs, make sure you lift the mundu to an appropriate level. Too little or no lift would end up with you stamping it and stripping yourself in the continuing steps to follow. I dont have to explain what happens if you lift your mundu too much. Do I?!

Initially, I found myself at the peak of insecurity. I could hardly talk as I was extremely worried. Half the time I was making sure my mundu stayed down, making me look like Marilyn Monroe in that famous picture of hers. Besides, the cold ventilation from below had also frozen my legs, thereby it would be really appropriate if I used the phrase "MY KNEES CLASHED AGAINST EACH OTHER!!" But after a while everything became normal. I forgot I was in a level four emergency and to my Surprise, I had lots of fun. The day went really great.
However, I dont plan on wearing a mundu ever again, simply because it enforces a lot of constraints and puts unnecessary pressure on you. Why look like a clown in something that you are not comfortable in?? so I definitely wont be doing it again.
unless, of-course I have yet another 'SIBIL MOMENT!!' [;)]